August has been the best month I have had in a long while. Before August, I often wondered when I would come out of my hole or when things would start to turn around. However, little did I know that if I showed up and really started treating myself with kindness, everything else would fall into place. Did you read that? If I showed up and started treating myself with kindness, everything else would fall into place. It meant that I, Kallai, had to do things that I wanted to do and be the person who I wanted to be, not who I thought someone else wanted me to be. Because being myself, well that is pretty awesome too. I am a little nerdy, quirky, loud, and whinny. I don’t like being the center of attention but I like to contribute ideas to help others and situations along. I wanted to be THAT person again.
I had let food dictate my life for so many years that I was letting it creep in and do the same thing. When I competed in the meet on August 5th, that was the highest I had ever weighed and the grossest I had ever felt. I knew that I had strength buried inside of me but I didn’t know how to put myself on a program where I would mentally bury my insecurities and take charge to push myself past my threshold. Stubborn, you could say that I was stubborn, too. That is also one of my traits.
Wednesday August 10, 2016, I officially started my coaching with Jason Ralya and Ralya Performance. This, hands down was the best investment in my whole entire life that I have made for myself. It was everything I thought it could be and everything I had wished for myself. To find someone who genuinely cares for the people he coaches and genuinely wants to help them, is a blessing that cannot be matched. I have learned more from him in the last 4 weeks than I ever thought was possible. I have learned that he can level with me on some things and be honest about me and my life and I trust him with that. Trust is probably the number one component between a coach and a student. If you don’t trust each other, there is no way the relationship will build and you will always have the stress lurking in the background which prevents forward movement.
I am about to get real with the internet for a minute and let you in on some numbers. Some will say “She really weighed that much?” because sometimes, only sometimes, do I look like I don’t weigh what I did but I could see it. Others will say “I knew she had gotten big, but THAT big?” And this statement is alright too. I have accepted the things that small minded people have whispered behind my back. It doesn’t mean that I take them to heart because here is what they don’t know: Me. They don’t know me, the true me. They don’t know the mental struggles, the depression, and the loss of death. They don’t know any of that and can’t empathize with those situations. I get it and I forgive them. So, life goes on and you learn to APPRECIATE (not accept) where you were in the past and you learn to GROW to move forward. Never accept the past because accepting means that you are letting all those things that have ground you into a hole, defeat you. You should appreciate what has happened in the past and what has pushed you to get to where you are now, because that is fuel in the fire and we all need fuel in the fire.
Below are my stats for the month of August:
August 10- start
August 31- Current
For 21 days of consistency, of dedication to me, this is how it turned out. I am happy, I am at peace. When I started this, I made no goals other than to gain strength in the gym and to get rid of my terrible relationship with food. I have made amazing strides in both of those areas. It is truly a magnificent thing when you show up and dedicate each day to yourself. I cannot wait to see how September shakes out. I am ready, the fire has been lit and I can’t thank Jason enough for being on call when I have had my “melt downs” or unsure moments. I also can’t thank him enough for his knowledge and peace. The road to States in November is well on its way!