September was probably more of a mental battle than last month. I doubted literally everything that I was doing. I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to progress because lack of sleep had taken over and Daniella was in full swing of school. With the full swing of school, that also meant that sports were starting. Between volleyball, basketball and piano, she has something every night of the week. Thus, Coach Jason and I decided to move to morning training, which also meant that the bulk of my carbs was going to be in the morning. This was a hard mental shift for me. Felling full through out the day was my biggest concern and I wondered what would happen when that shift came. Ironically enough, I still feel satisfied. Funny how your brain plays tricks on you.
I was mentally shaken when I had a run in with a guy one morning that goes to the gym. In order to keep things light and my brain moving off of the subject, I will just share that it didn’t end well and he basically told me “I was strong for a girl.” And I blew a gasket. I am pretty tired of being looked at as "just strong for a girl" and not just strong. However, I’m not going to give a care what others, male or female, say or like about me. It isn't my job to please them. I don’t live my life for others to sit and criticize. I am now stepping off the soap box.
We also adjusted my carbs so I would lose at a faster pace to get a better number for meet day, which by the way, is in four weeks! (EEK!) I feel good about the shift and I am still gaining strength. That was a real big worry for me and right now, I am not willing to sacrifice strength for losing weight. As weird as that sounds. When I shifted my focus to making gains in the gym and not worrying about my body image, food starting taking precedence as fuel rather than feelings in my life. I started using the reps and weight in the gym to cure my feelings. Some days still are not the best but I know that if I trust the process and stay with the plan, I will not be failed or defeated.
Here is a brief look at the ending of September in comparison to when I started just in August:
Time to put my head down this month a grind it out. Four weeks has got me re-focused and my eye on the goal. Let’s do this October!