Back on the Bus: May 2017

I haven’t done a monthly thoughts round up in quite some time. Thus, I feel like since June is kind of the halfway point to finally pull my crap together, here I am!

What I Did:

1. Let my goals slip. We all remember that lovely list that was made in January right? Right. Well, I am not as far on that list as I had hoped or thought. There are excuses for some and for others; it is depression that took over my life to help the time pass with no accomplishments.
2. Took a break from life. There are many things, which if I let them, will consume me to the point of not focusing on my own needs and well-being. Over the past couple of months, that is definitely what happened. So, I felt like it was time to just take a break from a lot of things in my life, and of course, my blog and almost every avenue of my social media was the first to go. Stepping away from all of that helped me re-focus and re-assess what kind and how much energy I needed to put out into the world.
3. Found my direction. After taking a little hiatus, I have started to find a direction for where I want my blog and other social platforms to head. There will be more changes to come. It is just a process, like everything else to sort, reason and change things.

What I Didn’t Do:

1. Social media- but mostly Facebook. I deleted my app ( I currently have it back-still thinking of deleting it again) and found solace in having control on when I wanted to hear and see the belly aching and sharing of things that sometimes were less than pleasant. I have always said that I had Facebook to stay in touch with those who have moved from my hometown, gotten married and had children, but lately it seems it has become this dark place and there is less pictures of children and more pictures, memes, and hateful spews that I really don’t care to see. I battle with enough enemies in my own head; I don’t necessarily need the influence of other in there too. Thus, I deleted the app and moved on with my life.
2. Speak kind to myself. I’ve been struggling with my deadlift and I find it to be partial to the fact that I haven’t been loving on myself like I used to. I was always fond of giving atta-girls to myself when I accomplished something new, or needed a little pep talk but lately, that hasn’t been there. I am not sure when or how it changed, but it did. I am working hard to get it back but once self-doubt and self-manipulation sets in, it is hard to get it back. I am trying.
3. Get good sleep. One would assume since I spent less time on social media, I would have more time for sleep right? Yes, me too. However, it also allowed for more time with thoughts in my head. Every now and again, I get insomnia. It comes in waves and let me tell you, this wave was awful, and I am still battling it. It happens that I get so very sleepy when winding down for the night, then when I lay my head on the pillow, BAM! I am up. I toss and turn, think about EVERYTHING under the sun, and just can’t seem to shut it off.

What I learned:

1. I can no longer sacrifice me. I am the type of personality that I would rather do things for others, if that makes them the happiest. But, that comes with a price, a sacrifice if you will, for my time and the things that I need to be doing to better myself. However, this is not to say that I don’t need to be helping other reach their goals BUT I can no longer sacrifice myself entirely for someone else’s thoughts and needs. I need to worry about me.
2. I need to clear/de-clutter my home. We live in a pretty large home, and I feel like the “stuff” is taking over my life and my head space. I am pretty sure that 80% of my thoughts at night keeping me awake are how I would love to clean ”this” out or maybe we should move “that” there. So, I learned, I just need to do it and get it over with.
3. I am powerful. My mind, body and soul are three powerful things within me. I have learned that if I don’t want to do something I won’t, and if I do, it gets done. I have learned that I need to relish that and take advantage of that to do what I have set out for my accomplishments.

A pretty heavy read for today, but this is real and un-cut. To some, it may seem that I didn’t do deep enough, others it may seem that I laid out too much. But, the beauty is that I have a clear direction and sitting down to write out these three’s, really helped and has strengthened me to move forward!

I hope everyone has an amazing week!