There are a few strange looks that I receive when I tell people two things. One is that I am single and the second that I chose to have an only child by having a procedure to make sure that happens. Most people call me crazy; I call them adapters to society “norms”.
When I was growing up and still to this day, I always hear “every little girl’s dream is a house with a white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a dog in the yard” as the undertone to women. I understand that having all those things is a very nice approach to life, but it isn’t mine.
In a very messing crazy way, I had the 2 kids (thinking about another – crazy idea), the house, and the dog. It wasn’t a dream or a fairytale ending. Matter of fact, when the doors were closed, life was hell and the kids were unhappy and my marriage was suffering. However, when we stepped outside after a huge argument to head to church, our life was painted with smiles and hellos on how wonderful our picket fence was. Husband and wife looked so happy embracing each other while the kids frolicked around the church yard and we would sometimes bring the dog along for the ride (she loved car rides). As it dragged on, I realized a few things. One, I may never get married again. I am perfectly delighted with that. Second, I wasn’t meant to have more than one child without having someone beside me who has either A) been very active in his son/daughters life that he knows the everyday struggle of being a single parent or B) is a single dad himself.
There are people in my life who have expectations of what I should be doing with my dating life. Those same people are also people who had the high hopes of me having two-four children. To those people I say this in the most loving, endearing way possible: I am perfectly content with where I am. You may love me beyond compare and want only the best for me BUT I know what is best for me and where my head belongs with the circumstances that I have had and where my head and heart need to be. I have far too many other things to focus on rather than this “dating” life and finding my “mate” to have those kids with. I always joke that my child is the perfect child for someone who never wanted kids. I disclaimer by saying that I would not trade my life with my daughter for anything else in the world. I was sure, however that I was not going to have any children at all. Not one. Then I became careless and a young mom, thought I ruled the world. This is why God has blessed me with a well behaved little girl. She isn’t spoiled, she doesn’t get her way, and I demand respect from her to me and her elders and her friends. She makes friends easily and loves everyone. She is an only child and she is ok with that and guess what, so am I.
So please, for the sake of all that is holy, when I tell you I am single, there is a reason. When I tell you that I chose not to have any more children (the conventional way), there is a reason. No, I don’t need your help doing this “it must be so hard” thing and no, I don’t need you to set me up with “this guy that you know”. It is hard yes, sometimes even so difficult I could throw in the towel but it isn’t that hard that I need to give myself away to someone for the chance of being unhappy. When I am not looking, it will be there, until then…please give it a rest. And yes, I can still have more children, I just have to pay a little more and work a little harder for it. Nothing in life has come to me without a challenge, I accept this one.
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