Survival Tips || TWEEN YEARS

The tween years can be the most difficult to parent. Sure, the newborn stage of missing sleep is terrible also BUT having a tween can be a pretty good equivalent. Tween years (ages 8-12) are also the most sensitive, direction driven years that can and will impact the child’s future.  Surviving these years can seem like well, something like The Hunger Games. If you still haven’t read that book, you need to, to see what I mean.

I have come know, with a now, eleven year old, some things that have helped her evolve and grow with mutual respect for each other’s roles through each phase of our family.

1. Stay The Course. Situations will become difficult and you will want to cave and just let the child have their way. This is a fact. I promise you, that if you stay the course and do not waver, you both will be better for it. It doesn’t have to consist of yelling and screaming BUT once the tween knows that you will not give in and you are keeping on with the direction you have proposed, often times, they will come to see that they can be part of the resolution, rather than the problem.
2. Communication. This is probably one of the most valuable lessons that can be taught to your tween. Asking “what is wrong?” sometimes may not be the best approach but direct questions to open them up and communicate with you, such as, “What did you talk about at lunch today with your friends?” “How are your relationships with your friends?” “Are you struggling in any subject right now while learning in school?” This really detracts from the short no and yes answers and maybe gets them thinking about things that maybe, even they, haven’t stopped to put thought in before.
3. Be Clear. Before any conversation is left, make sure that everything is clear. After all, they are humans and they are learning newer things than we, as parents, as ever learning each day. Being clear can help deter from messes in the future.
4. Give Space. If you notice that you child is the type that ends a discussion with a quiet demeanor and walks away to blow off steam. Let them go. They are not being disrespectful. They are trying to gather all of the emotions process them and sort them out. Do not follow them. Simply respond with, when you are ready to return to the conversation, come see me. Children are like sponges but at the same time; need to discover what to sort out and what to ask questions on. Give them space.
5. Provide Private Time. Often times, tweens want their doors shut, and need time to themselves, just like adults do. This will allow them to discover more creatively and honestly, maybe they just need to decompress from their day, alone.
6. Be The Sounding Board….For Everything. As I am driving in the car, sometimes Daniella will talk about the most random happenings. I let her ramble. The reason why I don’t cut her off and tell her it doesn’t matter, or I don’t want to listen is because I want to show her that no matter how small or how large, she can talk to me about anything and everything and I WANT to know it all. If they ask for feedback, provide it to them and be honest with them.

There is no book of parenting, especially for raising tweens, that is for sure. But, starting with letting them be an individual and figure some things out for themselves with you by their side to steer them when they are in the ditch and be their sounding board, can aide in developing a wonderful adult.

For you, what is the most difficult part of raising a tween? Comment below!