In two weeks, I will have already completed my first powerlifting meet. That is quite the sentence to come out of my mouth. Of course, I am finishing up last minute things that I need to get (t-shirt, undergarments, etc.) but I am also trying to calm my nerves about what could happen. Then, I heard something that made me stop, think, and appreciate where I am, where I am going and what I am doing to get there.
The coach that I am preparing to use after my first meet checked in on me and said this: “It’s your first meet, the only goals are to have fun and go 9/9. Anything you lift is a meet PR.” And he couldn’t have been more right. What happens on August 6th if a PR, a start and a platform for what is to come in the future. THIS is what I have to remember. Could have my diet been a little better leading up to this? Of course. Will I think about that the whole entire day? Probably. Because well, that is how I operate.
All I have to remember is this is a start. I have made the commitment to start and that really is half of the battle. I think sometimes I work myself up and I let fear creep in. When fear starts to take over, I have already given up. Instead of using the fear of “what if’s” for good, I tend to use it as a tool to not do things. I have a fear of failing. I have a fear that if I do something, and I can’t finish it, people will think less of me, people will talk about me and people will judge me based on what I can’t do instead of what I can do. So, I just opt not to show up. I opt out of things for fear that my body image, looks, or lack of contributing like everyone else is able (also a fear that I am not good enough) will make me seem incompetent or a failure.
For instance, I only learned after I signed up for the meet that it was going to be outdoors. Immediately, I had anxiety and I wanted to get my money back and not even do it. The excuses were: it is in the dead heat of summer, there won’t be enough shade, this is not how a first lifter meet should be, etc. etc. Every excuse I could think of, I made it. I never called to cancel because I had already told enough people that I was going to show up that there was no way I was going to back out now. I could have, and I still could. The base of it all though, is that I wanted to be there. I wanted to show up, for me. Because I deserve this. I want to do things for me. Sure, I want folks to applaud me and tell me they ae proud but that isn’t what is to keep me going.
Moving forward, there will be other things in my life that I know that I could make up excuses rather than just showing up and doing it BUT I am not going to do that anymore. I am recommitting to be successful in all aspects of my life. Powerlifting is just a start.