Words cannot describe the feelings of love. Love is often used as a word to describe the action of loving someone but the feelings themselves, cannot be described by the word itself. There was almost a two year period that I had to become “ok” with being by myself, accepting that the current situation that I was in was to be focused on myself, drive myself, and get to where I need to be, by myself. For a long time, I thought that this life that I had as a single mother would be my life and quite honestly I was starting to become alright with that.
I had started thinking of dating, but was unsure. There are so many things that you have to re-expose yourself to with a new person. It is almost like a job interview. Regardless if you know that person in a friend light, there is always that deeper layer of “getting to know someone”. They then, have to find out way more personal information that you probably have never wanted to expose to a stranger in your life, and that is scary. It is especially scary for me because like most, some or all people, I come with a lot of skeletons, past experiences and in some regards, I refuse to allow myself to change.
Mid-March-April I had started to open my eyes to what the possibility could be like to experience this “love” thing. Dabbling my toes in a relationship, I really found that it wasn’t for me. In the process of doing this, there was an awakening of a relationship that had been put on hold, been rocky, never established, and always kept as friends and then some for the past two years. Don’t get me wrong, we became / are best friends and He was there for me when I needed him in the most intimate ways possible. I hadn’t opened my eyes but maybe once in the two years I have known him to the thought of “loving” him. After walking away from him completely, his eyes were opened that I wasn’t going to sit around and do this playground type of back and forth relationship. I was a human. With feelings. I needed love. I wanted love. I didn’t want to feel like I was inferior to someone but could walk right beside him. A light turned on, something switched and here we were completely engulfed in each other’s every move.
Things rapidly moved and we had a schedule vacation for Mackinac Island. In this vacation, I expected we would site see like everyone else, collect our memories and go home. Collecting memories was nothing what I thought it would be. In the end of our wonderful Italian meal that evening, we came back to the hotel room and decided to stroll down to the beach and watch Ella play in the sand. We would draw funny things in the sand. I rarely get to decompress and enjoy my toes in the water. I did that and noticed he was drawing something in the sand. When I came back to start reading it, there he was. On one knee, asking me to be his forever, ever. This man. Always full of something. I didn’t think twice about saying yes because deep down I think we both knew all along that we were made to be with each other, to go through what we went through with each other and finally appreciate each other, in this moment. Cherish each other, forever and for always.
Never in my life have I felt so loved, not just abiding with the word but wrapped and feeling the word every day. He is my coach, lover, best friend, partner in crime, swolemate, and everything else a woman could want. Every day I get to wake up to my best friend that cheers me on, and catches me when I slip. There has never been a sense of doubt since we decided to get on this roller coaster.
When people sit and tell one another of stories and they claim it to be “magical”, I always laughed. I laughed because magic only occurred in fairy tales. Until you create your own. That’s true magic.