There was something about this conversation that really opened our eyes. It was quite the snowfall and we had decided to pack our bags anyway to go and meet two of the best people on the planet. In one night I had three people that are nearest to my heart and two more, one being a newcomer, to follow. Not much chitter chatter on our way there but about the weather, our daughters (as of every time we meet) and life catch up. I could call this over night stay a revolutionary mind experience. It wasn’t until I got home and even now that the conversation we were about to have would shake me in the best possible way.
The morning had consisted of shenanigans of shaving D’s head and a marvelous breakfast by the chef himself, playing with the pups and contemplating how we weren’t going to go downstairs to train because well, the copany was just too good. Usually when I see J, we are squealing (don’t think we didn’t do it at dinner very softly) and high strung on endorphins, but something was different this time. Calm, at home, and relaxed all seemed to be surrounding here and I think that is just what her, we needed.
Noon had broke and S and I decided to hit the road. The six minutes into our drive, we both mentioned how uch we needed that. That it was the best idea yet. I am not sure how we always reach the painful (much needed) topics but we get there. It had started with a wardrobe choice of his daughter and I found myself in tears because S was contemplating how to hold her close enough and let her know that she is good enough. My voice broke between the tears to tell him that he is the only man that she will ever want to be told she is pretty enough, good enough, smart enough from. Tell her that every day. Tell her because a girl like me never had a dad tell her that, never had those moments coming to the livingroom with her smile on just to have her daddy say that she made a good choice and she looked beautiful. Tell. Her. Every. Day.
Following that, we got a little deeper with the demons that crowd our mind, the things that hinder us from taking the next step forward and I found this to be true when he spoke. S reminded me that you don’t have to dominate everything in the brain all at once and it is just fine is you take small steps to break down the demons. It is just fine to take care of “business” as it comes to move forward. This man always has the best hugs (aside from J of course) with a laminating smile that will make anyone instantly reciprocate the same gesture. There are no truer friends that I have than those who consistently show me through little conversations and peeks into their own life, how to live in love with mine.
To S’s Daughter:
When your daddy tells you he loves you, he means it. When your daddy tells you that you are beautiful, he means that too. When your daddy tells you that you made a good clothing choice (no matter how many different patterns and colors it is), he is letting you be you. Finally, when he tears up and gives you the biggest hug, he is letting you know that you are his one and only forever and always. Your daddy is the best daddy for you. Love him, get mad at him when he won’t let you out of the house showing parts that shouldn’t be shown, you will be thankful later.
Even though I have met my dad, I still missed out on all of those things and it haunts me every day. Yes, there is nothing that I can do to change it but move forward with the relationship we have now. Venting in that car and conquering yet another demon with one of my best friends was something I could never thank him enough for. When the world seems like it is closing in and there are too many demons to sort, find the dearest person and start venting, they will listen. That is all they need to do in order to find some answers.